So now that you’ve heard a story from all these penises, let the vagina speak. I managed to convince Doop to come to a New Years party with me last night and let me say this was the weirdest party I’ve ever gone to. So things started out okay. It was laid back,  got to see some of my high school friends but I might have pre-gamed a little too hard. Doop was also a little wavy but not nearly as bad as myself. Conversations were going okay but the couple that was taking up the bed was um, distracting. Our host was the only one without a date but somehow she had managed to make herself the third lover in that relationship. I stuck with Doop because I was already feeling awkward and it hadn’t even hit 9 yet.

The second couple came and things went from awkward to sixth wheel status. The five of them were laying all over each other on the bed while Doop and I stood off to the side. We were beckoned over with some voices attempting to be seductive with some weird slow waving, exactly the kind from some over-the top-porno. My brain was beyond processing what was going on. The fog that hung around the room just made my head so much worse. This had just turned into a love fest and I was not about sharing Doop with anyone. 

- Iris

Truly, I do not have a full recollection of what went down last night.  But there was a cat.  At cat for whom we scoured the frozen abyss of post-Christmas Winter to find. Why? Beats the shit out of me, I felt just as lost. It was as if I had discovered some revelation in the Twilight Zone except there was an encore to this scenario, a whole new episode yet to unfold.  And although every story has a climax, we might have missed it..

There was a dimly lit corner, there was Iris, there was a hand on my head. A third person, not quite a stranger. Forgive me if I seem vague, my sanity has been questionable as of late (today).  But if I recall, there was more of that going on above me, on the bed.  You see, I was sitting on the floor by now.  My legs had already become gelatin, my eyes glazed with the promise of a THC coma, at least that’s how I felt I’d look to any sober bystander. There were none.

And the music sucked.  My Beyonce quota for 2015, I fear, has already been achieved.  You ever see Enter the Void?  That part at the beginning?  I kind of felt like that.  But you know what, if we did leave the orgy too soon it was my idea.  I was not about to share Iris with anyone.

- Doop

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