So I went out with a couple of good friends. One of them was a little on the quirky side but she’s totally rad. The second, a ginger karaoke genius who was absolutely in love with words on a screen. Now it was his idea to go to this little shit hole bar in the middle of Sleepy Hollow. Like most college students, it was the start of the weekend and I was looking to have a little fun. Now I’m not a drinker by any means. Not because I don’t like being drunk, it’s just I don’t handle the after effects very well. So the idea of going to a bar for karaoke seemed like a good one. We walk in and right away it looks like someone just took all the shiny wood from the inside of a boat and plastered it everywhere. This little place had more people than I expected and a surprising amount of people my age. Not the awkward old men that I was expecting, but that’s not to say that there weren’t any. I’ll get to that later.
So I get a drink, determined to at least get a buzz going to help ease the impending doom off possibly getting dragged up to do a song. That said, I make sure I get a solid drink, a Long Island iced tea. We’re at the bar talking to people. Get introduced to the Karaoke Genius’s friends and a very dapper couple walk in. He’s a clean-cut dude with a suit on and freshly groomed. While she has a fur type thing on her shoulders and a necklace that sparkles from a mile away. They were so out of place. I pay them no mind after that thought and continue sipping my drink while my friends have already downed their firsts and are on to their seconds. The Karaoke Genius has had enough liquid courage at this point to finally make his way onto the stage to begin his first grand performance, and when I say performance it’s a fucking performance.
This kid has everyone’s attention, singing in some crazy falsetto and jumping around and doing all sorts of weird things. Making sure that he’s perfectly on point with the song the entire time. I’m starting to feel the buzz so me and my bad bitch are cheering our boy on along with the rest of the bar and out of no where, and I mean fucking no where, pops up the necklace lady asking us if we know him and is goin wild for his style. She’s goin total cougar fan girl status. She’s dancing around shaking her thang and is saying just how great he is. She grabs my drink out of my hand and hands it off to my friend then spins me around so I’m dancing with her. I’m laughing and a little weirded out. Is this normal?
She suddenly pulls me up to her and gives me a one armed hug and hugs my friend with her other arm just as the Karaoke Genius finishes his song. She sticks around just long enough to tell him how great he was and even give him a squeeze before slipping through the narrow bar. This my friends, is not the end of the wild cougar though.
This dude, Korean Ganster, I have no idea what his name was but this is who he was trying to be, comes up to me and my friends. Karaoke Genius had introduced us before but I wasn’t paying attention because well, I wasn’t interested in knowing who he was. I know, Dick move but I was getting some weird vibes off this dude. Also, he looked like a fuckin clown. He was some sort of twig-Asian, which is fine, but once I saw the lame tattoos on his arms it was done. No one should even give a thought to someone with a tattoo of flames that don’t have any color. Or the words “let’s ride”. Or a logo for some fitted. He wasn’t going to remember meeting me anyway because he’s so clearly drunk. Well, this dude comes up to me and my girl and starts asking if we want pickles. Then says how he’ll buy us one. Umm what? Is that a pick up? Is he just into pickles? Talk about fucking weird. We had no idea what the fuck he was getting at or how to react. Thankfully I was saved by the Cougar.
She asks if he’s going to sing and then he asks if she’s married. She looks down to the huge rock on her finger and makes a joke about how the 3rd time will be the charm. My friends take the stage for karaoke, leaving me alone with the Cougar. She starts asking me all kinds of of questions. Like, if we’re from around here and if we go to school and if Karaoke Genius did this often, which he did. I answer politely, realizing just how fucking glizty this necklace she has on is as we’re talking. I’m actually getting distracted by it at this point. That might just be because I’m as Doop calls me, a “fashionista”, but this thing was something. I complement her on it and she looks awkwardly away and naturally I feel awkward. Oh shit. I must have upset her. She looks up, reaches behind her head and unhooks it.
“Here, this is for you”, she says. I fight it. I’m not going to take her necklace! Eventually though, I lose the battle. After a few minutes of arguing back and forth and she puts it on my neck. She starts saying how the Karaoke Genius needs to enter competitions because he could win some money. She suggests that we go to the city. The next thing that came out of her mouth had me dumb-founded. “..Oh yeah I live in Manhattan. I have an extra bedroom and tons of couches you guys can crash on. My son is away at college in Marist. I’ll give you guys keys and everything.” Um what? Maybe I’m not drunk enough or maybe she’s too drunk although I only saw her with one tiny drink all night.
The night progresses and people are starting to sing along with who ever has the mic in hand. After one of the many 90s punk rock songs end a soccer chant starts. My attention turns to the bar, toward this little tiny Hispanic man yelling the chant on his own. I just start dying along with 90% of the bar. This man was so small he could hardly see over the bar and was so out of place. He continues to do this after anyone sings. I catch him staring at me throughout the night which was even worse than the Korean Gangster following me around. More people start showing up and everyone is getting more and more drunk. All the people relatively close to my age have left except for my friends who are singing their little hearts out, merrily on their way to getting shit faced.
Men are flocking over to the Cougar to get her attention but she’s not having it. She’s completely ignoring the dude that she came with and is really only paying attention to my ginger Karaoke Genius friend. We’re dancing around when she grabs my arm and pulls me towards her. She starts grinding on my leg. What the fuck is she doing? Now we’ve got all this attention from every dude in the bar ’cause she’s grinding on me. Not cool. I had never been flocked by so many creeps so fast before in my life. The song stops and its time to cheer for who ever was singing and she gets the hell off me. Thank god. I cheer for the singer only to realize it was my ginger friend. Just as soon, the Cougar grabs his arm and whisks him towards the front of the bar so they can then sit at a table alone.
Things finally start to calm down and we’re getting ready to leave. My friends were drunk enough that they felt it was necessary to say goodbye to everyone there. Within the half an hour it took we saw the Cougar making out with two different dudes (gross) and then disappear.
On the ride home from the bar I learned a few pieces of information that were just the cherry on top of a weird night. The Cougar’s name was Regina which was far too fitting considering this woman was the adult version of Regina George. She also had a full blown business meeting with my Karaoke Genius friend about how she’s going to “pimp him out” in the city at some sort of karaoke competition. She was so serious about this she gave him her number to call her. What a wack job. After that night, going out to the bars will never be the same again.
And yes, I did keep the necklace, it was really expensive.
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